


You'll Never Find the Love You're Looking for Back Home

by misura



Category: Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)
Genre: First Meetings, M/M, Pre-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sorry, man," the guy said, and Bobby was halfway to smiling before he added, "I don't fuck idiots."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Never Find the Love You're Looking for Back Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vettel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vettel/gifts).



"Hey, you look kind of familiar. Have we met somewhere before?" Bobby asked what had to be the most gorgeous guy in the whole bar - which wasn't saying much, possibly, but he'd figured he'd take it slow, check out the scene first, so to speak, before making any kind of move.

Such as actually talking to someone.

_Well, it's just talking. Not like I'm trying to pick the guy up for a one-night stand or something._

"Okay," the guy said, putting down his drink. (It had a little umbrella in it, and Bobby thought _kinda cute_ , not sure if he meant the guy or the drink.) "That is like, _the_ oldest line in the book. Seriously? That's what you're going with?"

"It's true." Bobby shrugged. It was, too, which might be potentially embarrassing, given that he'd never been here before.

"Sorry, man," the guy said, and Bobby was halfway to smiling before he added, "I don't fuck idiots. Not unless they pay me, anyway."

"Whoa," Bobby said, because, well, whoa. "I just came over to talk."

"Nobody comes here to talk," the guy said, and possibly he was just pausing to think of something else insulting to say, but Bobby figured he might as well jump in and try to salvage this thing.

"Bobby. Bobby Long."

"You a Robert?" the guy asked.

"Bobby," Bobby repeated firmly, and then he stuck out his hand, like he'd actually been raised to be polite.

The guy looked at it for a while, before he reached out and shook it. "Brandon St Randy."

_Oh,_ Bobby thought, and then _fuck_.

"Name rings a bell, huh," Brandon said.

Bobby suspected he was blushing. Not a good thing, probably.

"Lucky you. First time in LA and you've already met a celebrity. Well, in certain circles, anyway. Don't think your mother's ever heard of me."

"No," Bobby managed. "I don't think so, no."

"So what brings you to LA, Bobby?" Brandon asked.

"Actually, I got a job here," Bobby said.

"A job. Good for you."

"Yeah," Bobby said. "I guess so."

Brandon sipped his drink. "So are you just naturally boring, or is this just me?"

"I think it's you," Bobby said. "Also, because, you know, you're kind of being a jerk and, well. It's a little off-putting. No offense."

"Right," Brandon said. "So what you're saying is, if we actually went, like, on a date or something, I'd discover what a sparkling conversationalist you really are?"

Bobby pretended to consider the question. "Yeah."

"Confidence. I like that in a guy. Fine. Only tell me now if you're one of those pussies who don't go all the way the first time, because I'm not sticking around if all that's in it for me is some peck on the cheek or something straight like that."

"Just ... no fruit," Bobby said. _I'm going on a date with Brandon Saint Randy?_ "Or vegetables."

"Hey, that stuff's just for in the movies, okay? I mean, come on."

"Oh." _I'm going on a date with Brandon Saint Randy._

"Naw, I'm just fucking with you," Brandon said. "But, fine, we can save it for the second date or something. I'm not really into all of that vegetarian stuff, anyway. I'd rather have a good piece of meat any day of the week. I'm a carnivore, know what I'm saying?"

"I'm ... not really sure."

"Oh."

"But hey, a date, huh?" Bobby said. "Cool."

"Oh, I'm going to regret this tomorrow morning," Brandon said, throwing back the rest of his drink. "Fuck it. Want to come home with me right now and let me blow you?"

"Rain check," Bobby said.

"Tomorrow at seven then," Brandon said. "By which I mean, in the evening. I'll make the reservations and everything - you just show up. Try to wear something that won't make me want to cringe every time I look at you, will you? Oh, and do something about your hair."

"What's wrong with - "

"Everything," Brandon said. "Seriously, I don't even know where to start."

"Right," Bobby said. "So why are you going out on a date with me, exactly?"

"No reason."


End file.
